your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
