I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
