Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
