Will you blow on my dice?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
