i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
