Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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