Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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