Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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