You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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