Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
