his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
