did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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