dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
