The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
