I didn't shave. On purpose
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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