walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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