he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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