What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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