stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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