Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
