is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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