people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
