When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
