I think my fart just growled at me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
