I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
