I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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