At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
