Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
