Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
