we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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