i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
