thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
