so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
