Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
