What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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