I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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