and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
