They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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