He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
