have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
