I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
