If i come over, it means nothing
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
