8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
