Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
