I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
