She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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