i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
