I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
