trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
