he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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