So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
