So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
