hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
