Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
