i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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