i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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