Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize