Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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