Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
how drunk are you?
Several
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
