Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just found puke in my bra..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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