last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
