Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize