just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
