I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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