I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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