i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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