fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
