I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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