He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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