life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize