I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
