the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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