I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
