she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
