Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
