you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm like, not good at living.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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