my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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