I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
