Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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