About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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