but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I intend to get homeless drunk
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
