btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
