I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize