I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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