Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
