So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
