The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
