I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
