it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
