# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize