What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
