I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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