i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
