someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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